Friday, 2 April 2010


I miss you so much.
I'm not feeling myself recently. I'm finding it really difficult to try and just look straight on and forget certain things that have happened through extreme bad luck in the past few months, and I'm exhausted emotionally and physically.

I've been bed ridden pretty much the latter part of Easter and I've not been working alot to try and keep my mind off things. I'm in this vicious cycle where I'm getting nothing sorted. I have no money so therefore I don't want to leave the house, or my bed for that matter. My sleeping pattern is also already screwed. Usually a holiday is a period that allows my body to get back into its original regime.

And still, I think everything is to do with the reality of being back home and not having my own set of rules. I was completely devastated after those three months of amazing times with Ricky, Sean and Amanda were taken away from me instantly. I can't really think of any other solutions. I was confined to living with three other friends, but I loved it so much that I really need it back. I was doing really well at Uni for the first term, but when we were evicted my marks were evidently affected by it.

Another of my problems was not informing my tutor about this problem, and that the workload at that time was impossible to complete. My mentality was to overlook the problem by trying to get all the work done during time that was previously lost. Time caught up so fast and I failed to deliver.

I guess I'm also an extremely big push over. I don't confront my problems. I just sweep them under the carpet and try to bottle things up. I suppose that's why I feel like this just now, but I really don't know how I can sort myself out. It's easy for people to advise you on how you should live, but unless they know how to live with the problem you're dealing with, then it's extremely hard.

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